Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I smell like the springs. I feel refreshed.
The greyroad has a show on August 8th, in New Orleans.
Tomorrow I fly to New Orleans to visit my family, only to return on Friday.
I have not been blogging often because I have not been in the mood to write about goings on in my life.
At this moment, I am.

I've fallen in love with a disc entitled "the american song-poem anthology". The anthology is a collection of songs from the 60's and 70's recorded in Nashville by studio musicians.

The scam was in the advertisement..."Are you the next great american songwriter!!??? Send us your poem and if we like it, we'll put out a single for you and git you radio airplay!!!"

Of course, no matter what kind of poem you sent to these people, the response was always.."We love your poem and would be happy to record it. We feel like this has the potential to be a major radio success. Send us $300 dollars and let us know what style you want the song in.....and we will record the single!"

Now, none of these poems were actually put out on the radio stations. That was the scam, of course. However, these Nashville studio musicians would record vocals and music (these songs were always first takes....they would record up to 20 songs in one hour, maximizing studio time and profits.). So everyone who paid the money got a 45'' single sent back to their house.

This led to all of these obscure poems written by nearly illiterate Americans being released on singles, which eventally found their way to pawn shops and bargain bins across the US. Record collector types eventually began to pick up a lot of these singles, and this led to the "American Song-Poem Anthology"

A sample of the lyrics - this was a song entitled "How long are you staying" by Mary Uruttia, a middle aged housewife. The poem was put to an incredibly campy disco beat

"Disco Disco Disco
I am going to Mt. Kisko
I am going to by Crisco
To bake a cake so i can disco disco disco
Disco Disco Disco
How long are you staying
I only eat Marisco
so i can Disco Disco Disco
Disco Disco Disco
I am getting tired
Waiting to be hired
to do Disco disco disco
If I dont get hired
to do disco disco disco
I will take a gun
and become a sisco
disco disco disco
i am going to get fired
disco disco disco
you make me so tired
disco disco disco
if i don't get fired
i am going to j-lisco?
and dance on a wire
disco disco disco
if i don't get crisco
when i get to mt. crisco
i am going to j-lisco
and become a sisco
and then move to frisco
and become a sisco
and move to frisco............"

you get the point
Well, anyway, there was one grocery store clerk that, while aware of the scam involved, decided to write the most ridiculous thing possible just to see if they would publish it, which they did. The poem was written in about 5 minutes, in between checking out customers.

The title of the ensuing song put out is entitled "Blind Man's Penis". The title of the poem was originally "Stevie Wonder's Penis". The record company told John Trubee (the dude we're talking about, of course) that the song had great potential, but they can't use Stevie Wonder's name in regards to his genitalia for fear of litigation.

This song is in the style of "country ballad." Here goes.
I got high last night, on LSD.
My mind was beautiful, and I was free
Warts loved my nipples because they are pink
Vomit on me, babyYeah, yeah, yeah

A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind
A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind

Let's make love under the starsWatch for UFOs
If little baby Martians come out of the UFOs
We fuck them yeah yeah yeah

The zebra spilled its plastinia on bemis
And the gelatin oozed electric marbles
Ramona's titties died in Hell
And the Nazis want to kill, kill everyone

A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind
A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind
It's erect because he's blind
It's erect because he's blind.

So in other news,
-Whole foods "votes" on me tomorrow, which means they either "accept" me as a permenant team member, or "seperate" me from the company. Youch.
-Melanie works at Hollywood video now, which is good, because she seemed bored sitting at home all the time.
- My room is officially clean, which is an incredibly difficult thing for me to do. I completely wiped out the whole mess Friday night. Next, my car will be completely cleaned out as well.

That's all the typing i'm in the mood for today.