Keeping promises

Is it too self-indulgent to blog about not blogging enough? I'm about to do that.....

Ok, here goes.....................

It's been nearly a month. I tried to keep up with this, and then things got a little crazy!

A while back (may or juneish), I had a mid-twenties crisis. I believed that I was not doing enough productive things. It drove me crazy. I came to the realization that I was 27, and had little to show for it, other than a deli job and an interesting band.

I thought that the way to combat the malaise that I was feeling was to keep the promises I had made to myself in regards to never letting the lazy bug hit me. First off, I've started taking teaching courses through Iteachtexas.com. In one year, I should have my own class. I'll tell more about this later.

I have rekindled my interest in Fresh Millions, and am now performing in the Beautiful Supermachines, bring my band total up to 3, which is nearing ridiculousness. I'm writing sports columns for Austin entertainment magazine, and need to get to writing a column for the High hat, as Hayden is patiently awaiting my submission. I spent the last few weeks moving into a beautiful home with my wonderful fiancee. Last week, we also visited new orleans, where I saw friends and family, recorded an album w/ I Octopus, visited 7 reception halls (and found a great one), and visited the church where we plan to wed (Blessed Ceelo's in the bywater)

So I responded to my previous malaise by oversaturating myself with activities. This is really cool, but I hope I don't drive myself crazy.

There are stories to tell. Crazy Whole Foods Guy hit-and-running my car while at work is a good one to tell in the future.

Just not now. Time for bed. Two columns to finish by tomorrow evening.

B

Batman Begins the Beguine

Batman II - The Dark Knight

Think about Terminator I vs. Terminator II. Terminator I was a dark, well-written action film allotting significant time to character and plot development through dialogue. There were small doses of stunning (for its time) action, culminating in an epic denouement. You cared about the characters, and the suspense killed you.
Terminator II was, of course, superbly epic and filled with action. It was a stunning bubblegum action flick, and the viewer learned about the characters through their actions more than their conversations. This was completely effective because of the talent of the actors as well as the well-crafted script.

In the same way, I feel that The Dark Knight differed greatly from Batman Begins.

The film was nearly three hours long, and due to the phenomenally fast pace and choppy editing, it felt like Christopher Nolan was trying to fit a good 4 or 5 hours of material into this film. If the performances, script, plot development, and art direction (Seriously, I'd have to say that Nolan's vision of Gotham places 2nd to Blade Runner as the coolest looking futuristic city modern film history) weren't completely amazing, this could have easily been a jumbled mess. However, it seemed that Nolan knew what he had in this film; an amazing cast giving perfect performances, and a brilliantly crafted epic story. Nolan directed this movie with a phenomenal amount of confidence, throwing the audience everything including the kitchen sink, while knowing that we were going to devour and savor all 160 something minutes of the film.

The Barton Creek mall was filled with four full theaters at midnight. Due to the monumental advertising campaign, as well as the positive feedback from Batman Begins (maybe my favorite comic-book movie of all time), The Dark Knight had a lot to live up to. The film quite possibly exceeded my expectations.

Heath Ledger's untimely death directly following his "Joker" performance made me WANT him to have given the performance of a lifetime. I'm very happy to opine that Ledger did, completely stealing the show, completely making Jack Nicholson's goofy "Joker" seem about as emotionally disturbing as a care bear by comparison. (while writing this, I realize that many people might find care bears very emotionally disturbing......but trust me, they're really just cute and cuddly. Go get a new shrink if this is a problem for you).

Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine were as great as expected. Aaron Eckhart and Maggie Gylennhall were also completely amazing in their new roles. There was not one poor performance in this film. The Dark Knight is hollywood bombast at its finest; an action packed, ADD-inducing epic superhero adventure completely eclipsing most of what has been done before it.

I will go again to see this at the IMAX. Later, I will buy this film and it will become a crown jewel of my DVD collection, so that my future kids and I will watch this together and we will love it.

Spiderman is for pussies.

-brandon.

Another friday afternoon in my sexy world.

My cluttered mind is fully functioning, yet phenomenally disorganized.
Therefore, lists are supercool.

• Get crack in window fixed (appt. made monday)
  
• Call storage space and cancel account (done!)
  
• Make all necessary Whole Foods requests off for vacation (done!)
  
• Convince Whole Foods to give me a Job Dialogue
  
• Contact San Antonio music venues
• Contact Hole in the Wall, Room 710, and other Austin venues for better shows
• Find writing samples and send off to entertainment magazine that you are applying for so that you can become a sports writer.
  
• Buy a toolbox and some plastic cups
• Clean your car, Bunch (done!)
  
• Clean your room, Bunch
  

not only do I love lists, they are imperative toward my survival (especially with this giant wedding on the horizon)
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Oh, just to let you know, whoever you are, I probably saw Batman: The Dark Knight before you!!
it was great!
nanny nanny naah naa!

Check out 3 tracks from the new Distant Seconds album

The Distant Seconds

"Spectral Evidence"

1. Disembalmed 1:08
2. Throb in Unison 3:38
3. We're Unstoppable 3:12
4. Spectral Evidence 4:15
5. The Manual 2:08
6. Half a Believer 3:39

7. Blacklight 2:01
8. Your Politics 3:19
9. Even the Help are Dancing Now 2:49
10. Build your own Los Angeles 6:12
11. Bridget Bishop 3:18


Recorded at Echo Lab studios, Denton, TX, with Matt Barnhardt (Shearwater, The New Year)

Haiku 7-16

My organic job
Isn't as organic now
Condos are vomit.

31 flavors of compromise

I will begin this blog by stating that I've just recieved the new Distant Seconds record entitled "Spectral Evidence". The Distant Seconds are, of course, my band since Nov. 05...and the album is finally a culmination of our best songwriting in our 2 and a half years. This is, of course, meant to be stated with outright fervent humility; How I really feel about it varies day-by-day. Music being such a passion of mine, its very difficult not to feel varied extremes about performing and writing.

My feelings on the band (and any band I have a vested interest and influence in, for that matter) can vary between rich delusions of grandeur and the pits; one day, I feel like screaming "Listen to our fucking music, its fucking great!" off the roof of the Frost tower..., and the next day, I don't have any clue why I am a 27 year old invested in music at all, and would like to pawn my piano for a pair of oven mitts.

So lately, I'm encountering a phase where I've been going through old blogs, live journal entries, and e-mails. By doing this, I've basically been reading old "messages in a bottle" that i guess i've left for myself. With this new blog, I set out to continue this, so at the age of 32, I can look back and recapture the goofy 27-year old emotions that I used to have.


Good Day,
B

i'm going to the saints game next sunday!
i'm going to the saints game next sunday!

yup yup yup

can't wait.

-b

the life and times

my mind is a jumbled mess.
3 bands in Austin, 1 in New Orleans
relationships with 2 cities
and one girl
infinite job opportunities
double infinite upcoming life decisions
2 potential new living situations in austin, both of which may or may not happen (though the kaydee and dustin house is looking pretty definite)


OK. so one half hearted decision is to finally enroll in school - Why not teach. Hell, I know I have the skill. I'm generally coming to consistent, daily realizations that my life is mundane, droll, and that my brain is slowly atrophying.

Sounds depressing? Well, it's really not all THAT bad for me. It's just average. Totally average. I'm not excited about about anything to jump into it, and not frustrated enough with anything to let it go.

I know to take advantage of these next two days off of work.

One definite area of frustration is my lack of patience with music - I am musically unfulfilled in Austin - I don't have the same passion to promote, and nobody in any of my 3 bands does any promotion either. The only one of my bands that seems to want to book shows/tell people about their shows/promote on a regular basis is Mumpsie - and that's a seemingly pseudo-temporary project because Alex is moving back to Florida to be with his lady friend

There's so much more, trust me - but nothing I can safely post. Never know who reads these things, anyway.

Hey - i did wash 5 loads of clothes today, and paid my credit card bill on time. Trust me, that's a step up for me in the arena of personal discipline and responsibility.

Now I need to start riding my new bike. I got a speeding ticket last night for 58 in a 45. Lame. My van is old and running funny, and i'm real tired of driving.

later
b

I smell like the springs. I feel refreshed.
The greyroad has a show on August 8th, in New Orleans.
Tomorrow I fly to New Orleans to visit my family, only to return on Friday.
I have not been blogging often because I have not been in the mood to write about goings on in my life.
At this moment, I am.

I've fallen in love with a disc entitled "the american song-poem anthology". The anthology is a collection of songs from the 60's and 70's recorded in Nashville by studio musicians.

The scam was in the advertisement..."Are you the next great american songwriter!!??? Send us your poem and if we like it, we'll put out a single for you and git you radio airplay!!!"

Of course, no matter what kind of poem you sent to these people, the response was always.."We love your poem and would be happy to record it. We feel like this has the potential to be a major radio success. Send us $300 dollars and let us know what style you want the song in.....and we will record the single!"

Now, none of these poems were actually put out on the radio stations. That was the scam, of course. However, these Nashville studio musicians would record vocals and music (these songs were always first takes....they would record up to 20 songs in one hour, maximizing studio time and profits.). So everyone who paid the money got a 45'' single sent back to their house.

This led to all of these obscure poems written by nearly illiterate Americans being released on singles, which eventally found their way to pawn shops and bargain bins across the US. Record collector types eventually began to pick up a lot of these singles, and this led to the "American Song-Poem Anthology"

A sample of the lyrics - this was a song entitled "How long are you staying" by Mary Uruttia, a middle aged housewife. The poem was put to an incredibly campy disco beat

"Disco Disco Disco
I am going to Mt. Kisko
I am going to by Crisco
To bake a cake so i can disco disco disco
Disco Disco Disco
How long are you staying
I only eat Marisco
so i can Disco Disco Disco
Disco Disco Disco
I am getting tired
Waiting to be hired
to do Disco disco disco
If I dont get hired
to do disco disco disco
I will take a gun
and become a sisco
disco disco disco
i am going to get fired
disco disco disco
you make me so tired
disco disco disco
if i don't get fired
i am going to j-lisco?
and dance on a wire
disco disco disco
if i don't get crisco
when i get to mt. crisco
i am going to j-lisco
and become a sisco
and then move to frisco
and become a sisco
and move to frisco............"


you get the point
Well, anyway, there was one grocery store clerk that, while aware of the scam involved, decided to write the most ridiculous thing possible just to see if they would publish it, which they did. The poem was written in about 5 minutes, in between checking out customers.

The title of the ensuing song put out is entitled "Blind Man's Penis". The title of the poem was originally "Stevie Wonder's Penis". The record company told John Trubee (the dude we're talking about, of course) that the song had great potential, but they can't use Stevie Wonder's name in regards to his genitalia for fear of litigation.

This song is in the style of "country ballad." Here goes.
I got high last night, on LSD.
My mind was beautiful, and I was free
Warts loved my nipples because they are pink
Vomit on me, babyYeah, yeah, yeah

A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind
A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind

Let's make love under the starsWatch for UFOs
If little baby Martians come out of the UFOs
We fuck them yeah yeah yeah

The zebra spilled its plastinia on bemis
And the gelatin oozed electric marbles
Ramona's titties died in Hell
And the Nazis want to kill, kill everyone

A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind
A blind man's penis is erect because he isblind
It's erect because he's blind
It's erect because he's blind
It's erect because he's blind.

So in other news,
-Whole foods "votes" on me tomorrow, which means they either "accept" me as a permenant team member, or "seperate" me from the company. Youch.
-Melanie works at Hollywood video now, which is good, because she seemed bored sitting at home all the time.
- My room is officially clean, which is an incredibly difficult thing for me to do. I completely wiped out the whole mess Friday night. Next, my car will be completely cleaned out as well.

That's all the typing i'm in the mood for today.

-b

I can do stuff!

I'm in love with the fact that i no longer have food poisoning. So I had food poisoning, and it was really really bad, and i probably lost weight by painfully excreting everything from my system, primarily through puking.

So when i had it, i consistantly thought to myself, "Hey, Brandon, just think.....in a few days, you'll actually be able to do stuff again!"

Now I can. Awesomeness.

There is a very snobby girl from hollywood in my department at whole foods who always tells me that I'm doing something wrong. She never tells me how to the correct the problem, though, and none of my other coworkers seem to think that I am doing things wrong.

Therefore, I hereby surmise that SHE is the problem, not I.

not the first you've heard, but the first I wrote

So I have not posted recently primarily because it does require a small amount of mental energy for me to be able to write in complete sentences. Lately, this energy has been missing due to working 2 jobs (about 60 hrs. a week) and practicing with 2 bands.

My schedule is clearing up gradually, however (I put in my 2 weeks at the depot)...and so is my brain. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not treating my brain very well. And my brain is not a muscle that I can allow to atrophy.

Anyway, last night I saw Shellac play at Emo's. My head still hurts. What a loud, dissonant, nasty, charismatic, enigmatic, confrontational band! Some jerk in the crowd downed too much E, and proceeded to make life annoying for half the crowd as he started a one person mosh pit, screamed a lot, and then yelled "I'M SORRY, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, I TOOK PILLS, I DONT MEAN TO HURT YOU, I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS"!!! and then again proceeded to slam full force into the crowd when the music god loud again.

Of course, Bob Weston (Shellac's bass player) eventually hit the jerk in the head with his microphone and calmly asked him to stop being such a jackass. It didn't work. Bob (a pretty big, mean looking guy) then kind of went after him and told him "get the fuck out of here, you're making the show miserable for all these people"....and the guy replied..."I'm SO SORRY, GOD I'M SORRY, I"M FEEL REALLY BAD"....and then the rest of the crowd physically forced him out of the venue. Cheers of course erupted.

There were a few things I liked about this. I really miss when shows were interactive "events", not just rock bands playing and indie rock kids nodding their heads. I enjoyed the danger and the confrontation. This is not to say that there isn't a place for peaceful, friendly, PG-rated shows. I'm down with that too.
In addition, the show was covered, yet outdoors, which basically turned the venue into a furnace. Smelly, sweaty people listening to discordian, nasty, powerful music.........

I just tend to relish any moments that make me feel more alive.

I've also been hiking quite a bit lately. Amy and my Whole Foods friends showed me a new trail....a trail that I will eventually convince Melanie to explore with me.

I'm also auditioning for a new band, apparently. They're called "goodbye, stranger" and they kind of sound like a cross between the violent femmes and the moldy peaches. Simple, fun tunes with sing-along guy/girl melodies. They seem like laid back people, which is good.

*WHININESS ALERT*

In the last month or two, i've jammed with a variety of projects that wanted "committment" from me. And I'm down with committing, eventually. Now, most musicians agree that relationships with bands are similar to romantic relationships with other people. Both involve courtship, drama, incredible highs, and incredible pain. So I become frustrated when a band basically asks for my hand in marraige after one or two practices. Now, I'm one hell of a dedicated musician...I never miss practice, and usually book most of my bands' shows myself.

Now, those hurt badly in romantic relationships tend to be less likely to commit in future relationships. In addition, those hurt badly in musical relationships are distrusting of bands that want committment. I suffer from both of these experiences. Bad experiences bring fear. I fear sticking with a band again unless I know that these are the guys I want to battle with. I'm the same way in relationships as well, though I consistently attempt not to be.

*END OF WHININESS ALERT*

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So I like that this band sounds good, and pretty laid back...they're not asking for my hand in marraige. They're not asking for all of my time. In addition, they seem almost as nerdy as me, and they want to hang out this sunday night before we start jamming, which should be a whole lot of fun.

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so i smell like salami, and i'm running the bathwater.

this post is not long but very very very important. i reek completely of deli meats, most specifically pepper steak and smoked turkey. it can be smelled all over my body, especially on my hands. that is all. 10 bucks an hour to be a butcher for 8 hours straight. Awesomeness.

Don't think twice, it's alright.

OK.
Recent Purchases:
Sonic Youth Tickets!
Constantines Tickets!
Shellac Tickets!

Life is looking pretty awesome.

In addition, I started working at Whole Foods, and I like it a lot. It's a little strange working for a business that has 560 employees. I do realize that I will never the names of many of my co-workers, and this could add to the impersonal feeling that Austin gives me. And, I'm pretty much OK with that, due to the full-time work, the pay, the benifits, and the general friendly nature of my coworkers. I'm still on an emotional comedown from the New Orleans trip, which was an amazing, memorable experience.

In addition, I have decided that my life needs discipline. I am generally an epic example of disorganization. My room has more assorted items on the floor than carpet showing. My van is a lot worse. I am great at arriving to events (like work, shows) on time. However, I can never find anything, and am often tired and scatterbrained.
Due to this, I stopped drinking about a month ago (except for those few beers i had playing minigolf a couple of days ago.)

Now, a new idea to improve life. I will not use the computer more than three days a week.

(*GASP*)

Seriously. I do actually plan to do this. I don't think people can understand how difficult this will be for me. I just remember a time where my friendships weren't crafted out of blogger (..kali, you don't count, you're cool), myspace, livejournal, or AIM conversations. And I do believe that there is a great place for these interactive online communities. They do help me keep in touch with old compadres. They help me advertise my band. But I can do all of these things three days a week. From now on, I will primarily keep in touch with those that matter to me most by the telephone, a noble invention.

So I will get real stringent, and actually make a large chart in my room reminding me of the days that I logged on to the computer. Day one is today.

Today and Tonight. Tonight and Today.

Today, I vow to be as unabashedly lazy as a human can even hope to be.

Tonight, I will post a general retrospective on the last week, which was incredible fun.

Megan, where did your blog page go? I can't read it.

The harsh realities of post-college life.

So I have to cancel a wonderful one-week trip to Wyoming for work. You see, I just acquired a full-time job as a deli worker at Whole Foods...a place that offers EVERYONE full-time hours with benefits! And the job offer was excellent but the timing was not, because it occured during 2 long-planned-out vacations.

What this does mean is that I can spend the full Tuesday the 16th through Saturday the 20th in NOLA (so for Megan and Kali, this means I can hang out saturday evening)..........because I only have to rearrange my Office Depot schedule....I now don't start at Whole Foods until May 24th.

I'm pretty excited about this job, because not really having money issues is very stress relieving, and quite a change. I also do get to see 2 great bands that are coming to Austin when my Wyoming trip would have occured. From June 9th to June 23rd, I will have seen Shellac, The Constantines, and Sonic Youth, which means I should have no complaints.

In ADDITION..( I'm still attempting to paint missing this trip in a positive light) even though we would be in Yellowstone, there would probably be very little camping and a lot more "dude ranch" style stuff going on. Personally, I'm not a big fan of horses or roping cattle........I'm just a big fan of camping and hiking in quiet places. But I do need to go to Yellowstone at some time in my life.

Either way, I'm missing out, but my family definitely understands, and they're very happy now that they don't have to cover my health care costs anymore.

---------------------------------------------------------
I quit drinking...at least for a good while. By many accounts, what I was doing was not all so terrible. I was, for at least a few weeks, drinking every night (usually in social settings), and enjoying the social benefits that accompanied the alcohol. However, waking up every morning lethargic and depressed is not a good way to live. When this began to happen, I decided to not drink. I should continue this, at least, until June. I do realize the majority of my NOLA friends will attempt to get me drunk next week, but I will graciously decline. Now, I might get them drunk, laugh, and point! But I will not do the same thing.

I just felt like I was truly going a little nuts, seeing the negative side of every possibility, which is completely not my nature at all. I like smiling, idealism, and life. I do not like headaches at 7 AM while on the bus for work.

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So wednesday night I'm playing a show at "The Chaindrive", a gay bar that has late night orgy parties. We're discussing costumes, and covering "Fashion" by David Bowie.

If you don't know the song "Fashion", it goes something like this.

There’s a brand new dance but I don’t know its name
That people from bad homes do again and again
It’s big and it’s bland full of tension and fear
They do it over there but we don’t do it here
Fashion!
turn to the left
Fashion!
turn to the right
Oooh, fashion!
We are the goon squad and we’re coming to town
Beep-beep
Beep-beep
Listen to me - don’t listen to me
Talk to me - don’t talk to me
Dance with me - don’t dance with me,
no
Beep-beep
There’s a brand new talk,
but it’s not very clear
Oh bop
That people from good homes are talking this year
Oh bop, fashion
It’s loud and tasteless and I’ve heard it before
Oh bop
You shout it while you’re dancing on the ole danceFloor
Oh bop, fashion
Fashion!
turn to the left
Fashion!
rightFashion!
We are the goon squad and we’re coming to town
Beep-beep
Beep-beep
Listen to me - don’t listen to me
Talk to me - don’t talk to me
Dance with me - don’t dance with me, no
Beep-beep
Beep-beep
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
La-la la la la la la-la
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
La-la la la la la la-la
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
La-la la la la la la-la
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
Oh, bop, do do do do do do do do
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion
La-la la la la la la-la

Peace.

Hey blog land.
Had a good weekend, but a tiring one. And now I'm pretty lethargic. I really can't wait for this New Orleans trip in a few weeks. My heart is obviously still there.

I have been riding the bus this week and have met some interesting people.....I really believe that riding the bus is liberating, to a degree. I do enjoy modes of travel being more social. I enjoy being put in situations in which i'm nearly forced to converse with people. Seriously. I like it because it's easy for me to become a hermit while in Austin....and the bus thing actually helps me continue a pattern of social interaction that keeps me wanting to go out and experience the town.


So I believe that I'll continue to ride the bus to work even when I have the van. The bus will be way cheaper, and saving gas seems like the affordable and right thing to do. Also, I'm doing my (very) little part to help the environment. I've also been listening to Soul Coughing's "Bus to Beelzebub" every day, and the line "get ooonnnttooo da bus....that's gonna take you back to beelzebub" enters my head every morning when I actually "get onto the bus".

Maybe I'm crazy, but I guess I'm listening to the soundtrack to my own life in my imagination. And music does stick to my head in such a way so that i can be imagining songs while i'm not actually listening to them.

By the way, i've recently noticed that the news is really depressing, but everyone already knows that.
After a soul-devouring 8-5 shift at office depot, it was even more draining to turn on NBC news and hear "Bird flu.....little progress after katrina......still no solace for the families of west virginia miners......immigrant protest did little...(yes that's editorializing, which is not good journalism..but NBC cares not..)...gas prices will continue to increase.....

Since TV is a very simple release after a long day at work, it is also very influential on the mind when the mind is not working at its best. So I will make a recommendation, not only to myself, but to everyone on earth. No TV after work.

Go for a walk. If it's raining, go for a walk and get wet. The rain isn't that bad. Really.

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Last thursday, I did play an incredibly fun, and somewhat drunken show. While the first 2 bands played, I drunkenly befriended random people who seemed interesting by offering them sunflower seeds. I had a few friends show as well, and we had a great time together.

Since Parks + Wildlife, Sally Krewe, and The Guise always play with us, I want to put out a 4-way free promotional EP, and have each band cross-promote. 2 songs for each band. Its gonna be like all the monkeygrinder cds that chris and I put out. I want the spirit of DIY music promotion to continue in austin.....even though the music scene is very strange here, and there is uber-competition, i think the idea could merit everyone some new fans.

I always have these kind of musically unifying ideas, and many people don't seem to care, so I lose faith. I'll try again, though.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh.....and is it a little strange that the document that I miss on my old computer the most is my "brandon's favorite 100 albums of all time list"?

you don't have to answer that. I just dread that I have to "make it up" again. However, just as a teaser, Bruce Springsteen made the list, and The Cure did not.

Lists are great.



that's all.

miles and miles of squares

I'm just getting over being sick. And it's a depressing sick, the kind of sick that convinces you to not leave your bed for any reason. So I have been primarily glued to my bed this week, except for work and band practices.

So my car's in the shop, I very possibly have a full-time job at whole foods coming to me, I got financial retribution for my laptop, and I will be in New Orleans in three weeks. Things are on the up and up.

get out of my closet, punk rock girl.

A punk rock girl stole my old laptop computer right out of my closet and pawned it. I housed this girl, on and off, without rent, for a month because she had nowhere to stay. I housed her primarily to help her raise money and find a job. While she was a friend of a trusted friend, she herself did not seem trustworthy. Nevertheless, I let my desire to help others in need outweigh my general gut feeling about her.

She stole my old, beat up laptop because I would not notice right away. She ignored all of the other high-priced electronics in my house that she had full access to. 2 days ago, I found her and let her know that I would contact the police if I was not properly reimbursed, so I am now getting reimbursed. The pawn shop erased the hard drive off the laptop, which hereby erased all of my great AOL conversations with friends, a lot of my poetry and writings, and my OCD top 100 movies and music lists. And I'm losing some great pictures w/ friends and family as well. So I'm pretty upset, though this is not the first time something's been taken from me. Nevertheless, she's paying me a large sum of cash this weekend, which will not make up for the sentimental value of some of what I lost....but will cover me for a month in rent.

I felt a fury that I've not felt in years. It's strange. The hulk inside of me came out for a little while. That's OK, now that it's settled. Sucks, though.....this will make it harder to trust others in general.

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got to go to work now. More posts coming about the whole foods job fair that involved decorating paper bags to "artistically express myself", jamming with three musical projects, the new orleans mayoral debates, and living with mumpsie, a crazy fun dude.

Tales of the depot.....

Saturday was not just another day at Office Depot. Saturday was a BIZARRO day at Office Depot.

1. I arrive at 2 PM, jump on a register, ready with my wide customer service smile. The first customers arrive with a myriad of random office supplies that they want to purchase with a gift card. They are ratty looking old farts, and I only say this now because I learned to dislike them.

"Sir, your total's gonna be $64. 39"
"Ok, what about the other 61 cents?"
"Um.....excuse me?"
"DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH????? I SAID, WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER 61 CENTS?????"

Of course, I have no idea what he's talking about. At this very moment, the other cashier randomly walks out the front door for a smoke break, and 3 extra customers jump in my line.

"Sir, the total is $64.39. I honestly dont......"
"LISTEN!!!! I have 65 dollars on my gift card. I want the other 61 cents back in CASH!"
"I can't..."
"I know you can't do that. That's how you guys screw people over"

Just then, the customer behind the morons I'm helping says, "Hey, I got somewhere to go! Can I pay you a dollar to finish this up?"
"No sir, I want Office Depot's money, not your money" The old fart turns back to me and says "What can I buy in here that's exactly 61 cents?"

At this point I'm expecting MTV cameras to pop out and say "You've been Punked, Brandon Bunch!" or something of that ilk. However, no sign of Ashton Kutcher around.

"Well, the reeces peanut butter cups are fift...."
"I'M ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE!!!!"

Basically, this dude and I bickered for 2 more minutes, and then I got him to purchase a single highliter. His frustrated-but-obviously-used-to-it wife paid me the extra quarter. As they walked out, the man made sure to let me know that "The only reason why we buyin from you folks is yalls put ev'one else out of business" and proceeded to storm out angrily.

The next customer was no nicer, frustrated with the slow pace of the line rather than understanding the obviously silly situation I was put in. He remarked, "they need to hire some people that know what they're doin" and walked out in a frustrated manner as well.

2. Of course, the day wasn't all bad. It was just strange. Around 4:32 PM, a nerdy, milton-esque older gentleman came to my register to buy some ink cartridges.

"Wonderful, sir. With tax, that'll be $21.74."

.........vacant stare in my direction..............

"Sir, is it ok if i swipe your card?"

............"um"............"Yeah, um, sorry, I was just distracted by your bright blue eyes."

Obviously confused by that statement, I respond with, "um.......what?"

"Well, your blue eyes sparkle when you're wearing that blue shirt and, uh, it just catches me...they're just so big and beautiful......so how long have you worked here.....?"

It's nice to recieve compliments from anyone. But that unkempt, overweight, gentleman kind of creeped me the shit out. My boss, I noticed, was standing behind the customer and laughing his ass off. Within 5 minutes, every single co-worker had asked me about my new boyfriend.

3.
It's 9:35. We close at 9. However, these 2 guys are giving Nicole, the other cashier, a hell of a time. Nicole is up-selling them a performance protection plan on a Hewlett Packard PSC
(Printer-Scanner-Copier). These guys asked her about 30 questions, all pretty rudely, and then basically said something like "can you direct me to someone that knows what the fuck they're talking about?"

(not sure if that's how they put it, but fuck was definitely somewhere in the sentence, and it was in a very unfriendly tone)

I proceed to explain the functions of the performance protection plan in the same way that she did, almost word for word. I guess since I'm a man, they decided I must know what I'm talking about (its strange, but customers refuse to ask tech questions to women, and when they do, they often distrust what the female sales associate says). They asked me what the interest rate was on the plan, and I explained that we replace the product at cost from the moment they bought it. They proceeded to tell me that they didn't believe me, that there was going to be an interest rate, that's how all the corporations get you. I was about to fucking tell them "well, don't get the plan then, just buy the damn printer"....

I went to take care of some tasks, and came back in a few minutes to see the guys giving Nicole shit. It's now 9:40, and everyone wants to go home.

"Guys, is everything straight? Is this gonna be OK for you?"
"NO, but WE'LL take it"
"OK, well are there any problems I can help you with"
"No, there aint nothin".....and then they proceeded to bitch toward Nicole more about their anti-office-depot conspiracy theories.

"Sir, if you're done this purchase, we're closing..."
"Now, listen. We gonna buy this, but let me tell you somethin. If this shit ain't perfect, if this don't work for any reason, you know what we gonna do?"
"Um....what"
"I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We gonna put it right back in the car and take it right back to you. We ain't playin"
"Well, sir, that's completely fine"
"Well, that's not fine, because we ain't gonna take it if we don't like it and..."
"Listen, that's why we have a return policy. It's OK. " I started to be condescending toward them at this point, because it was better than murdering them. "If you don't like it, return it. That what a return policy is. "
"You better let us return it"
"14 days. It's a 14 day return policy"
"Oh, we'll be back tomorrow"
"Alright, well, I'll see you tomorrow then".....and I walked them out the door. Of course, I would not see them tomorrow, due to the store being closed on Easter. However, I greatly anticipate a mind-numbing conversation with them Monday morning. I'm shivering with joy.

4. After that day from hell, my boss proceeded to tell me, in closing, that payroll is majorly cutting everyone's hours, but also proceeded to tell me that my hours will stay the same because i'm one of the hardest-working and most reliable employees around. That felt good after getting shit from everyone. I went home and talked on the phone to friends for a few hours, and fell asleep, comfy and free of crazy office equipment buyers.

smelly feet.

So I guess I need to clean my room. That's probably a sentence that has come out of my mouth twice a week now for the last few years. This time, however, I will do it, because the rest of my house is in great shape, and I'm tired of my room's filthy, dirty-clothes-lining-the-unvacuumed-carpet condition.

I know, for those 2 of you that read this, ......................GROSS!!!!

But I'm one of those people that has an incredible gift for organization as long as it involves other people's things and lives. I'm completely lost when I attempt to organize myself. I'm always tired after work, so it makes perfect sense to leave everything lying around, because as a hard worker, I often resort to extreme laziness in the home for a sense of balance.



In addition, Low was freaking amazing. Amy Q and TJ watched the concert with me. It was a surprisingly haunting and dark performance, and most of the band's new material deals with getting old (the band's husband-and-wife team is in their 40s) - so in esscence, they actually get darker and edgier with age. Insteresting.

TJ and Amy seem like such peaceful, positive people now. I often wonder why I allow all of my more negative friends to continue to rub off on me.

Went to San Antonio Wednesday to see the cousins, aunts, and uncles. I convinced TJ to buy the newest Low CD, and had wonderful conversation with aunt gail, uncle tom, and Lee Arica, my cousin.

Oh, and the roomate situation is still excellent. I got Alex a job at Roly Poly sandwiches and he's worked 4 shifts already. Now hopefully I can put him on the lease, but that's another issue entirely.


To finalize this pointless, rambling post, I wish my feet smelled better.

-b